Writing to me really excites my creativity, it is a way of expressing who I am, how I feel, and enables me to have a voice. I have found that writing allows me to explore the depths of who I am and in word form define who ‘Jonathan’ is. The written version of ‘me’ is often more elaborate to the non-verbal (thought based) version of ‘me’ and as such the written version is a more interesting description of who it is. Why is this the case? I believe that when considering the next stroke upon the paper, ‘Jonathan’ is more fully considered and the meaning becomes detached from emotion and mere thought responsive language. Therefore, it is more insightful, reflective and perhaps more truthful. The meaning or description of the experience of ‘Jonathan’ can therefore be more focused and defined because the next stroke can be held back from being made until the right word is found.
However, that all said and as I write this, something comes up for me. It is a word that perhaps has plagued me on my whole journey through life and is something that I am slowly realising I struggle to let go of.
The word is ‘Control’.
In writing (narrating) this, I realise that the mere act of liking the written word as a medium is an example of control. I am not saying that it is bad, but I am saying that my choice of word is made with a desire to be able to manipulate and have ownership of what he written. In other words, the word and phrasing has to be ‘right’, and that removes a certain degree of fluidity in my expression. Other mediums of artistic license require, it could appear, less manipulation. Definitive, decisive and instinctive marks are made. The painter may often roughly sketch out their work but main piece is a direct and connected expression of their observations. Each stoke is done and at that point it can’t be rubbed out. The orator/ speaker also appears to seamlessly string words together and vocalise their feelings and emotions. They may work up a script, but it is when they are in Free Flow that the real essence of what is being stated, is heard. The written word however is more structured and can be re-arranged and re-written so that the outcome is calculated and considered. While for me, that suits a personal need for control over what is being portrayed, it is still a step towards freedom of expression and is infinitely better than having no voice at all.
For me, the written word (journaling) is a method and the practice that helps me understand who I am. I also know that it helps others, in that the simple act of putting the written word out there helps open up a dialogue about human experience that may trigger something in them. Self-reflection becomes a ‘mirror’ for others to see themselves and that radiated effect can be very positive.
So, for now I will continue to write (journal) my experiences and put down in words what comes up. Who knows this may become, in time, spoken content, but for now I will stay well away from the mike and keep tapping away. The word, I do believe can be mightier than the sword, let’s see what my words can cut through and what can be revealed.